never_francesca | IC Inbox

[ This is on beand for Franky, honestly. Natalie sits on the bed after closing the door. ]

Be my guest. [ Guess who's had a few smokes here already.

That's right, it's Natalie. ]

You're the first one who's started by sitting there silently judging me.

[She snips off the end with a quick flick of a small knife, then lights the cigar, waving out the match, flicking it into a nearby garbage can. With far too much ease, really, but that's the time she's from.]

Oh, I'm just settling in. You're going to tell me what happened, without wasting my time with sarcasm or leaving anything out.

[ It's almost infuriating how fluid the entire thing looks, from snipping to lighting. Almost, because by now Natalie genuinely respects Franky and also thinks she's a badass. ]

Can't promise there won't be any sarcasm, but I'll do my best.

[ It helps that she's gone through the story a few times already. ]

Got it in my head that everyone'd be better off if John and I got unpaired, so I thought it'd be a good idea to shoot Arthur to piss off John enough that he'd ask the Admiral to give him another inmate. Got Misty involved because that's what I do and thought it'd make Pagan keep her away from me. Stole Arthur's gone, hid in the communal wardrobe, Misty missed the first shot, and I nailed the second. John got shot too-- you know how he's got Arthur's left arm, I'm assuming?-- and came to help him...

[ She waves a hand in the air. The details of that part aren't her doing. ]

Now I'm here, grounded, on full lockdown for however long John thinks I should be. So, sorry, but if you want me to be at the gym, gotta take it up with him.

[She listened carefully, pulling the cigar back to let a puff of smoke escape, with a sigh.]

So, to review. You made an assumption. Rather than testing that assumption, you immediately took action by leaping to a conclusion that resulted in yet another incident with Misty - who I think we can delineate at this point is not the best partner for you to have in your endeavours - and your incarceration.

You're lucky.

If you were one of my pilots, you'd be fucking dead right now. No second chances, just a smear in some wreckage, or a corpse with neat little .303 inch holes punched in you, laid out in a cheap coffin. See, the Japanese were very good at capitalizing on assumptions.

[She leaned forward, eye focused on her.]

But here's the thing. You? Got lucky. Nobody died. Fantastic luxury, you're not dead. Misty isn't dead. John isn't dead. You assumed your way into a titanic FUBAR and lived - so, given that you have this unusual opportunity to reflect - what are you going to do to be smarter next time?

[ Yep, Franky's got it. And yeah, it's lucky nobody died, that it was just Barge nonsense and not an actual life-or-death scenario. Vivid though the description of what could have become of her is, Natalie isn't upset by it. She seen her fair share of gruesome sights.

But god, everyone keeps asking her to think about what she did. As if she hasn't been doing just that since John left her here by herself. ]

Hmm. [ Natalie crosses her arms, pretending to think hard. ] Well, for starters, I won't steal anyone's firearms. And given I didn't achieve my goal here, I guess it's best to talk to John if I'm upset. Not jump to conclusions. Not consult with Misty first-- library Jon pointed that one out, by the way.

That sound about right to you?

Sounds like you're halfway there.

[Said in a bit of a clipped voice, with a slight sigh as she takes a deep drag, exhaling through her nostrils. Clearly a professional at this, too.]

For a start, the obvious question is how sincerely you'll pursue any of that - but let's give you the benefit of the doubt.

That'd be enough to get you through one mission. But certainly not the war. Let's look at the bigger picture. What is it you want?

[ Thanks, Franky :| ]

Guess what I want is to be left alone back home. But it's pretty clear to me that that's not gonna happen, so... [ Natalie shrugs. ] Guess I've gotta graduate.

[ She doesn't think she can, but that's the entire reason she got brought here, so. ]

What would you have me do or think about.

[She laughs a bit, mirthlessly.]

For a start, not have you think it's about being told how to think. That thinking won't help you any, not here. Ask yourself another question, instead: what did you want to be, once?

Wildest dreams, what have you.

[ Cool, she gets to think back to a whole cluster of things the crash took from her. Fine. ]

I don't really know. I guess... I wanted to win nationals. Go to college on a scholarship and keep playing. Go into women's studies... phys ed, sports science... just to be around soccer however I could.

[ The sigh she lets out is a little shaky and much heavier than she realized. She used to have so much hope. ]

[She nods, listening. And seeing quite a bit of that heaviness, like the flash of a fin in the darkness of the water.]

That feeling.

[She leaned forward, pointing emphatically with the hand holding the cigar.]

That's what you need. Something to work towards. Something real to sink your teeth into.

[ It seems way too simple, so Natalie asks, deadpan, ]

You're telling me that soccer is what'll help me graduate.

[ A game she still loves but can never play the way she used to, can never compete in again, can't even teach because who the fuck wants an addict with anger issues and a foul mouth teaching their kids. ]

[She gives her a bit of a look for that in return.]

If it could be powered on sarcasm we'd have graduated six of you by now. But maybe. Or it might be something else. Something new. Point is, it works. God knows it's what is keeping me going.

[ God. If only sarcasm could get her out of here. But no, Franky is right and should say it.

Natalie chuckles wryly. ]

This really is rehab. I need to find a purpose. [ And not an unhinged one. ] Isn't yours to graduate your inmate?

Yes, and I want to do some good on this tub before I go. But the Admiral offered me a deal didn't he? One I can use to tip the balance in the war that's coming back home. Bit of extra motivation to get through the day, that.

[She gives Natalie an appraising look.]

Could use good pilots back there. Women, specifically, to remind the men that just because they have bollocks doesn't mean they know up from down.

That an offer?

[ She's going to take it as one. ]

Mm. Gotta graduate first-- that's a few years out. Then I get to decide if I'll leave or if I'll make a wish and stick around until I can help some other poor fuck redeem themself. So. It'll be a while, Commander, but I'll keep it in mind. I'm a great shot.

[ It's tempting, honestly. If she didn't think every country back home needs to sit down and stop fighting senseless wars, enlisting would've been a viable way to get out and build a future. As it is, she's not exactly gung-ho, but if she graduates without regaining the will to keep living...

Well. That's years away, like she said. No point worrying about it now. ]

[She nods.]

'Course it is. You've got guts, and that's rare. At least, the right sort of them. And who the hell cares about a while - the Admiral makes temporal deliveries.

[But she can see a lot of what bothers Natalie. She's seen people like it, over the years. The ones who took up the cause as a convenient way to die. The trick was to make it into a way to live.]

Also doesn't mean I can't teach you the skills on the way.

[Because flight has a sort of magic all its own.]

[ "The Admiral makes temporal deliveries." That gets a little smirk. Maybe she will join Franky in her fight. Who knows. ]

Yeah? I do need a new hobby.

[ It comes out almost thoughtful. She's interested, certainly. ]

Though if I need both hands to do it, I've still got a few months of physio to go before I'm back in business.

One, dextrous, is quite sufficient for most of the required tasks.

In any event, flying...it gives more than it takes. Especially if one might like to find highs that are less...problematic.

[ She gives a quiet, self-deprecating snort of a chuckle. ]

Probably something I should look into, then.

[ Misty would certainly be glad to hear she's found a better way to uplift herself. John too, she thinks. ]

All right. I'm interested.

[She nods, standing up slowly, lifting a boot to stub out the cigar for the moment, to finish the latter half later.]

Then when you're ready, seek me out in the enclosure, we'll start covering the basics. Until then, keep your nose clean.

[She pauses]

And a chessboard might not go awry, too. You can learn everything on a chessboard, you know. Both about your opponent and yourself.

I will.

[ Challenge-- and perhaps motivation-- accepted.

Chess, though. Ugh. She'll think about it. ]

Thanks... I think. See you at my next shift.

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cw vague suicidal ideation

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